Annual Giveaway Brings Treasures From the Tracks
The Hamptons Subway’s annual lost-things giveaway is back, offering curious passengers the opportunity to claim a variety of unique and often poignant objects discovered on the tracks throughout the previous year. Every November, the transit authority opens its doors to return things placed on platforms that have fallen onto the tracks and were rescued by maintenance personnel during early-morning cleanups when the power to the third rail is turned off.
This year’s discovered goods include sets of melted vehicle keys, flattened cash, wallets, and even personal letters. One such message says, “Karen McLaughlin, I adore you even if I am married to your sister. Bob. Burn this.” This year’s stockpile also contains lipsticks, schoolwork, diamond jewelry, and Big Mac wrappers.
Doors open at 9 a.m. on the third Monday in November, with all items available on a first-come, first-serve basis. Attendees are encouraged to get there early to secure their choice of these lost-but-found treasures, which may even serve as unique holiday gifts.
Walk By Karen: The Subway’s New Massage Service
Subway commuters suffering from back discomfort, muscular cramps, or other minor maladies now have a new way to get assistance without leaving the station. Walk By Karen, a massage service popular in other subway systems, is installing mats on Hamptons Subway platforms, which are available seven days a week from 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. The service involves a “Karen”—or someone purporting to be Karen—momentarily treading on clients’ backs as they lie on red and blue mats, a soothing procedure that some customers swear by.
For $10 per 30-second session, patrons lie down, are walked on, and are on their way again almost instantly. “We have mats on subway platforms on subway systems in Helsinki and Tokyo and Buenos Aires and Cairo and numerous other places,” explains a spokesperson named Karen, expressing her excitement at expanding to America. The service is quick, and for $10, many people consider it a decent investment for relieving their pains while on the go.
Crowds Gather for Young Performer; Dispersed by Subway Police
What started as a chance for local musician Fay Schwinn to perform for riders at Water Mill station gradually increased in popularity, attracting larger groups every day. Over nine days, her crowd grew to the point that it obstructed portions of the platform, prompting complaints from travelers trying to board trains.
On Wednesday, crowds of supporters carried Schwinn onto their shoulders after her performance. With platform access becoming increasingly limited, subway police were dispatched the next day to clear a route and finally disperse the mob. Nineteen guests, enraged at the intervention, were detained after fighting with police. The metro commissioner has subsequently announced their release, and the Water Mill platform has returned to its normal, crowd-free condition.
Commissioner Aspinall Addresses the Incident
In reaction to the recent occurrences, Commissioner Bill Aspinall expressed sadness for the need to discontinue Schwinn’s platform performances while also respecting the demands of subway users.
“We deeply regret having to end the musical performance being offered up by that singer, whatever her name is, who was for no charge providing that service to straphangers as they traversed across the Water Mill platform,” Aspinall stated. “In the end, she was blocking the platform, not her personally, but all her fans. The 19 who got arrested when we removed them have been released. We regret the incident. But our subway must soldier on after all. People have to get where they are going. And back. And we can’t put up with all this crap.”
For those interested in seeing Schwinn perform, Commissioner Aspinall suggested they attend her concert next weekend at Yankee Stadium, hoping this alternative venue will help resolve the issue. “So maybe in the end all is going to be well that ends well,” he concluded.
